New Almanac entries
The Sniffsonian Museum
World’s most famous and important museum of natural history, artefacts, trivia, miscellany and heemo-globule globules.
Owned and curated by Mr. Sniffy.
Boreholicopter
Extraordinary machine that can fly and dig holes. Very expensive and few have been built. Equipped with a subterranean ossifier, quadro-retractable rotors and a muiltfucntional-dual-reticaluted-glockensprocket.
New Almanac entries
Aqualinia Waterpark
Probably the world’s best waterslide park.
Ms. Aqualine is the founding chairwoman of the Aqualine Corporation, which established the waterpark in 2019. The Aqualine Corporation is also renowned for its pool floaties which are sold worldwide. The pinkfish, sweds and osteops are particularly popular.
Tie-D-Upper
Highly useful and effective device that tidies everything up. Range is 12 metres. Can only be used once per 24 hours. If used twice, the second time it actually doubles the mess.
Staircase Mooses
Friendly creatures that can be tamed and become very useful for assistance with climbing up things. Same lifespan as humans. The staircase is not there when born, and usually only starts growing once the moose reaches the teenage years. Large herds of them are found in the northern reaches of Moremi forest.
We’ve added a new joke to our Jokes page.
They can all be see here!
New Almanac entries
Move 84 (Tarantula)
This is a highly effective evasive manoeuvre, particularly useful against Desert-Scallywags as they are scared of spiders. The move involves a deep grimace, spider-like screaming combined with a rapid and continued flailing the arms. The louder the scream and faster the arms flail, the more effective this move is.
Move 6,745 (Rocket Launch)
This is a highly dangerous 1-4-1-1 attack move. Often used by Desert-Scallywags. It involves building a tower with the strongest “foundation” scallywag at the bottom. 4 fighters then balance off him or her, to form the “base” of the rocket, then the two most agile of them atop of each other to form the “nose-cone”. The launch involves the top two flying off at high speed into the attack. The “base” 4 then attack and the foundation scallywag remains in place.
Move 26,941 (Sandstorm)
This is a very, very dangerous move that involves conjuring up a sandstorm. It is the favorite attack move of Desert-Scallywags since they always have a trail of sand following them. Once in formation, the scallywags raise their arms and begin a rapid repeat-chant which sounds like a mixture between a humming snail and a toad with stomach-cramps. As they do this they stretch out and sway their arms which lifts and twirls any sand in the area. It forms a mini tornado which catches anything in its path. The conjured sandstorm is impregnable and remains in place for at least 24 hours. The only known remedy is for it to be sucked up by a Full-Vacuum-Snozzle. Some hole-diggers come with inbuilt snoozes specifically for this purpose.
These are all the new teachers that appear in Book 4 (Thursday – Cleopatra’s Waterslide).
Mr. Rrr-Tökk-Tökk
Teaches the Pause! game.
Invented the Pause! Game and is current World Champion.
Wrote the #1 Bestselling Pauselopedia.
Ms. Glamorgan
Teaches Egyptology.
On some days, especially if it has been raining, there appears to be a small pyramid growing out of the top of her head. Nobody is sure whether it is decorative or some kind of pointy pimple.
Really famous swimmer – has won gold medals twice at the Olympics.
99m elbowstroke ad 147m grinning-dolphin.
Only person to have swum the full length of the River Nile (4,132 miles) five times, and a different stroke each time:
2020 – Windmill-stroke
2019 – Snack-stroke
2018 – Sulkingduck-stroke
2017 – Confused-starfish-stroke
2016 – Cactus-balancing-stroke
Ms. Glissicle
Teaches waterslide.
World Waterslide Champion (2008)
Final was held on the famously infamous slide, Spaghetti Junction.
She won by doing a Quadruple Corkscrew off the shoulder of Tube 617
(known as the Death Descent), whilst balancing a cup of tea on her head.
She spilled not a single drop. Apparently she drank the tea during the awards ceremony, and it was still warm.
Mr. Nomsa-Nomsa-Nomsa
Teaches hole-digging
The world’s most respected hole-digger mechanic.
Can repair a hole-digger faster than anyone.
Specialities include:
Cut-throat 64
Trenchifyer 98
Perforator 800
Aardvark 4.2D
Aardvark 66
New Almanac entry
VCAs can be found in any terrain and under almost any circumstances. And regrettably, they can fly. Their vibrations initially are harmless, but if allowed to continue for over 6 minutes minutes (i.e. 360 seconds), everything just starts to feel awful. Scientists are so far not able to explain it. Examples of the awfulness:
[1] If you are baking a cake and a VCA is undetected in the area, the cake will taste awful.
[2] If you go to the hairdresser and a VCA is in the vicinity, your hair will look awful.
[3] If you’re singing in a concert and VCA is somewhere in the room, you will sound awful.
New Almanac entry
How common: Moderate
Special power: Create sandstorms, desert survival
Weakness: Tend to scatter sand wherever they go
Typical group size: 7 or more
Operate alone? Never
Maximum Jump Distance: 6 feet
Cleverness: 7/10
Speed: 3/10
Agility: 5/10
New Almanac entry
A twoaster is a toaster that takes 12 slices of bread.
The numbers on the eject dial refer to height in metres. So if you set it to 12, once done, the toast will fly at least 12 metres high.
Can be useful in combat situations.
