Osteop Milk

It’s pretty easy to milk an osteop.
Their milk tastes better if milked with left hand.
Doctors recommend one glass daily, to be drunk between 7 and 8 am.
If you drink it after 8am you might get an upset elbow.
Milk from wild osteops tastes better than milk from domesticated osteops.

Osteop milk actually has amazing medicinal qualities. If mixed with Aardvark 4.2D axle-grease and a squeeze of lemon juice, it can actually stop hair-loss. If mixed with crushed smellephant-grass seeds, it’s an effective painkiller.

When milking an osteop, always approach from its left. Move slowly and under no circumstances sneeze. Osteops are very calm and friendly by nature, but if they get a fright, things can be very different. A man by the name of Ivan Cuthbert McPinda once sneezed whilst milking an osteop, and he was never seen again. Nobody knows what happened to him. But whatever it was, it was not good.

Humpback Consumer Products Inc. makes fantastic osteop milk stealth udder slings. These are udder-shaped sling packs with multiple teats for easy drinking. They are great for prolonged combat situations or lengthy missions.

The ILCSGM (Institute of Leopard-Crawling and other Stealth Ground Manoeuvres) founded by Leonora & Wilford Schleswig-Wompelstein offers a fantastic 2-month course in UDOMUSDC (Use and Deployment of Osteop Milk Udder Slings During Combat).

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