Walrus Milk

It’s quite dangerous milking a walrus. But worth it, because their milk is delicious. Dash has a distant relative who is friendly with the brother of a man whose best friend’s sister’s uncle’s aunt’s son’s son has a walrus farm, and so Dash is able to get supplies.

The farm, located on the southern shores of The Foothills, has a stock of over 20,000 walruses, and Dash has visited it multiple times.

A typical day on the farm involves:

[1] Waking up before sunrise and going down to the Walrus pens. The walruses sleep in huge bunk-bed pens overnight, not because there’s any danger, but because it’s more comfortable. And the more sleep a walrus gets, the better the milk.

[2] As the sun comes up, walruses start emerging from the pens, doing their trademark morning dance as they come out into the light. They then form long lines and the milking begins.

[3] By midday, everyone goes back to the main farmhouse for a huge farm lunch, where there is often singing and dancing. The walruses by this stage have moved out onto the rocks in front of the pens, and some have started bathing.

[4] Afternoons are free for all staff. They usually go watch a walrus rodeo, visit the walrus race track, or just hang out in the walrus pens. Others prefer to go bathe in the ocean, or catch some sunshine on the rocks.

[5] Evenings are big communal meals in the main farmhouse, and then everyone goes back down to the pens for the evening yodel. This involves large groups of walruses, usually 1,000-2,000 converging around communal fire-pits where the yodelling goes on till the early hours.

Happy days. Very happy days indeed.

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