McYawn (Mr.)

Teaches: Really Boring Class
Major Accomplishment: Has won The World’s Most Boring Person Award multiple times
Loves: Traffic

We don’t want to tell you anything about him here because it will put you to sleep.

Just kidding. We can tell you something about him.

By far Mr. McYawn’s favourite thing is being stuck in traffic. In fact, if he’s in traffic and then gets out of it, he turns around and goes back into it.

Other things he loves are:

[1] Watching walls. Especially from up close.

[2] Cleaning the classroom floor that’s already clean to see if he can make it even more clean.

[3] Looking for parking.

[4] Can’t remember.

[5] Standing in line. Especially in the post office.

[6] Slow internet connections.

[7] Sitting in waiting rooms. Often on weekends he does this, just for fun.

[8] Unnecessary, long meetings.

[9] Watching paint dry. And even better, painting stripes in two different shades of grey and watching to see which dries first.

When he was young

When Morris McYawn was young, he wasn’t boring at all. Quite the opposite in fact.

When he was just five years old, he ran away from home to join a traveling acrobat act. When he was six he taught himself how to play Beethoven’s full body of work. When he was seven, he climbed Mount Everest, twice, both times without supplemental oxygen. A year later he circumnavigated the world in a boat he built himself with his left hand. When he was nine, he went to medical school and qualified as a doctor in just one year, AND came top of his class. When he was ten he became a firefighter, ambulance driver, professional musician, tree surgeon and a walrus inspector. When he was eleven he became a marine biologist, a journalist, a news reporter and a farmer.

BUT then he started getting bored. With everything. He’d done SO much in his short life that there wasn’t much that he found interesting. He was bored and started becoming boring himself. It got worse every year. By the time he was fourteen he was well on the way to becoming The World’s Most Boring Person. A year later he succeeded!

He first won The World’s Most Boring Person Award when he was fifteen, and has won it every year since.

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