Glissicle (Ms.)

Teaches: Waterslide.
Major Accomplishment: World Waterslide Champion (2008)
Loves: Tea, waterslides

The final of the World Waterslide Champion was held on the famously infamous slide, Spaghetti Junction. She won by doing a Quadruple Corkscrew off the shoulder of Tube 617 (known as the Death Descent), whilst balancing a cup of tea on her head. She spilled not a single drop. Apparently she drank the tea during the awards ceremony, and it was still warm.

When she was young

Gabriella Glissicle has been obsessed with waterslides since she was five, when she built her first one in her back yard. It started off from the deck and went down into the fishpond. Her parents were very supportive.

When she was six she built one from the kitchen, which was on the ground floor. When she was seven she built one from her bedroom, which was on the first floor. When she was eight she built one from her parent’s bedroom, which was on the second floor.

When she was nine she built one from the sauna, which was on the third floor. When she was ten she built one from the TV room, which was on the fourth floor. When she was eleven she built one from the library, which was on the fifth floor.

When she was twelve she built one from the meditation room, which was on the sixth floor. When she was thirteen she built one from the roof of the house.

When she was fourteen, she’d accomplished all she could in their humble house. So she left home and went on a five-year tour, riding and studying waterslides worldwide. When she got back, she entered the professional circuit and began competing. By the time she was twenty she was in the World Top Ten, and when she was twenty-one, she won the World Championship.

A love for tea

Ms. Glissicle also loves tea. She has travelled far and wide in search of the perfect brew. She still hasn’t found it.

But broccoli-cilantro with a hint of earthworm, brewed underwater at a depth of thirty-three feet is currently one of her favorites.

Other favorites include:

Tomato mint with a smidge of osteop sweat brewed at high altitude.
Carrot curry with a sprinkle of nostril hair and then filtered through a net made of smellephant grass.
Spinach chive stirred clockwise with a stick of sugarcane (held in the left hand) at full moon.
Fennel spice with a few drops of smushroom juice strirred counter-clockwise with the rolled up pages of math homework

Ms. Glissicle also has a modest tea plantation in The Foothills, where she experiments with new types of plants and brewing techniques.

She is best friends with Mrs. Ozniak, who also loves tea.

< Back to Almanac