Reticulated Basingstoke

Probably Dash’s favourite weekend breakfast.

Basingstoke is a kind of purplish moss that grows under rocks and is totally delicious and highly nutritious if prepared correctly.

It has a four day preparation cycle.

Best harvested on a Wednesday.

Once you have the moss at home, soak it in fresh avocado vinegar overnight, and then on the Thursday morning, place it in a Reticulator for 24 hours. (A Reticulator is a specialised device for reticulating basingstoke. Nobody really knows what reticulating is, so don’t even ask.) On Friday morning, remove the basingstoke and place it in a bowl in the fridge for 24 hours. On Saturday morning, it can be served hot or cold, and is delicious if you add some anchovies, a dollop of vanilla ice-cream, a pinch of salt, fourteen medium-sized chilli flakes, a teaspoon of bicycle brake-fluid, and one sheet of shredded homework.

Sweds also love basingstoke, but eat it raw.

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