Stumpnose, Josiah (Professor-Inspector)

Founder and Principal of Stumpnose Elementary.
Smells of sardine.

His proper name is actually Josiah Stumpnose the Fourth.

Josiah Stumpnose the Fourth grew up in a sardine processing plant. His father (Josiah Stumpnose the Third) grew up in the same processing plant, as did his father (Josiah Stumpnose the Second), which was established by the original Josiah Stumpnose, now known in the family as Josiah Stumpnose the First.

Josiah Stumpnose the Fourth’s dream was to leave the family sardine business, and become a school principal. But his father was not happy with it, and neither was his grandfather. After he finished high school, Josiah Stumpnose the Fourth begged and begged and begged and begged and begged and begged and begged and begged to be allowed to go to school principal training academy, and his parents eventually and reluctantly let him. Upon graduation he refused to go back to the family business, and was determined to start his own high school. He searched far and wide for a place to start one, but nowhere was available. Reluctantly he went back to the family sardine processing plant and started working there, in packing room 47.

It was there that he got his idea. His brilliant idea. Why not start a school in the processing plant?

Not only could he fulfil his dream of being a school principal, but the students, as part of their education, could learn about sardine processing and packing, and be used a free labor! An ingenious idea. His father, Josiah Stumpnose the Third was impressed, as was Josiah Stumpnose the Second.

Hence Swedhump Elementary was born. Josiah Stumpnose the Fourth decreed himself Professor-Inspector for life.

It’s part-school, and part-sardine processing plant. Period 3 of every day is compulsory sardine processing for all pupils. If they refuse to process the sardines, they instantly get fined $1,000 or expelled. Period 6 of every day is compulsory packing of sardine cans for all pupils. If they refuse to pack them, they instantly get fined $1,000 or expelled.

Professor-Inspector Josiah Stumpnose was finally happy for the first time in his life. But not for long. The local school, just down the road, which was not very good, suddenly got a new principal. Her name was Mrs. Rosebank, and she was determined to make her school the best in the world. Professor-Inspector Josiah Stumpnose was not happy about this. Not happy at all.