Miscellaneous Characters

Remington-Hobbes (Sir Stephenson)

Inventor of wobble-ball.
World wobble-ball champion 2012-2016.
Known to occasionally be grumpy.
Over-inflated ego.
Under-inflated wobble-ball.

Little Stephenson Remington-Hobbes grew up in a very rich family. Both his parents had important office jobs and he barely ever saw them. He was brought up by the housekeepers.

The Remington-Hobbeses lived in a huge mansion on the edge of town. It was actually a converted hotel. It took so long to get from one side of the building to the other, that they actually all had little vehicles like golf-carts for getting around. Stephenson never really had any friends over because at school he was really mean to everyone.

One day, Irma, the Chief Housekeeper, gave little Stephenson a hopper ball. It was the big rubbery kind with a handle to hold on to. Bouncing around the corridors was fun, and soon he got really good at it.

In his own mind, Stephenson developed the Bouncing-Ball World Championships. This involved bouncing from one end of the top (7th) floor of the house, all the way to the far end of the ground floor. Because he was the only competitor, he always won. He got Irma to buy a large crate of trophies, and every day, as soon as he got home from school, the Bouncing-Ball World Championships would take place. All the servants would have to stand at the finish line as he came through. They would have to cheer as he crossed the finish line, and then Irma would present him with a trophy. All the trophies were then on display in room 322. All the rooms of the third floor were his. His bedroom was room 312. And his smashing-things-with-a-baseball-bat room was 329.

One day instead of bouncing on the ball whilst sitting, he stood up on it. Across the room he wobbled. And thus Wobble-Ball was invented. For years he held the World Wobble-Ball Championships in the mansion, and being the only competitor he always won. All the new trophies piled up in room 323 and 324. But he knew it was all pretend, so at the age of 18, he stopped completely.

22 years later, in 2012, when he was 40 years old, Stephenson Remington-Hobbes came across his old wobble ball. He jumped up on it and had a go. Memories came flooding back to him. He decided there and then to hold an ACTUAL, real-life Wobble-Ball World Championships. He got a really expensive fancy-shmancy gold trophy made. And he won the championship. Obviously, since he was the only competitor.

The next year of course, he was defeated by Mr. Grodzinsky, and the rest is history.

Stumpnose, Josiah (Professor-Inspector)

Founder and Principal of Stumpnose Elementary.
Smells of sardine.

His proper name is actually Josiah Stumpnose the Fourth.

Josiah Stumpnose the Fourth grew up in a sardine processing plant. His father (Josiah Stumpnose the Third) grew up in the same processing plant, as did his father (Josiah Stumpnose the Second), which was established by the original Josiah Stumpnose, now known in the family as Josiah Stumpnose the First.

Josiah Stumpnose the Fourth’s dream was to leave the family sardine business, and become a school principal. But his father was not happy with it, and neither was his grandfather. After he finished high school, Josiah Stumpnose the Fourth begged and begged and begged and begged and begged and begged and begged and begged to be allowed to go to school principal training academy, and his parents eventually and reluctantly let him. Upon graduation he refused to go back to the family business, and was determined to start his own high school. He searched far and wide for a place to start one, but nowhere was available. Reluctantly he went back to the family sardine processing plant and started working there, in packing room 47.

It was there that he got his idea. His brilliant idea. Why not start a school in the processing plant?

Not only could he fulfil his dream of being a school principal, but the students, as part of their education, could learn about sardine processing and packing, and be used a free labor! An ingenious idea. His father, Josiah Stumpnose the Third was impressed, as was Josiah Stumpnose the Second.

Hence Swedhump Elementary was born. Josiah Stumpnose the Fourth decreed himself Professor-Inspector for life.

It’s part-school, and part-sardine processing plant. Period 3 of every day is compulsory sardine processing for all pupils. If they refuse to process the sardines, they instantly get fined $1,000 or expelled. Period 6 of every day is compulsory packing of sardine cans for all pupils. If they refuse to pack them, they instantly get fined $1,000 or expelled.

Professor-Inspector Josiah Stumpnose was finally happy for the first time in his life. But not for long. The local school, just down the road, which was not very good, suddenly got a new principal. Her name was Mrs. Rosebank, and she was determined to make her school the best in the world. Professor-Inspector Josiah Stumpnose was not happy about this. Not happy at all.


Andri-Grimminik Herr-Groggen-Chommen Hummen-Grekken is arguably the world’s most famous water fountain designer. He was born in Slovoslochuckia and makes fountains for the rich and famous worldwide. His cousin’s son’s friend’s sister’s uncle’s aunt’s friend’s neighbor’s dad’s brother’s friend’s daughter’s daughter’s daughter’s daughter’s daughter attended Swedhump Elementary.

Famous clients of his include:
* King Edmond the Gurkk
* Queen Jezebel of South-Northern Swottolia
* The Bog-Slotnigg Water Park
* President William Williamson of Williamsville

Andri-Grimminik grew up in a small house below a plumbing warehouse, and when he was just 2 years old he began experimenting with pipes.

By the time he was 3 he was able to fully plumb a 3 bedroom house. By the time he was 4 he had built his first water fountain, which is now in pride-of-place inthe permanent exhibition at The Sniffsonian. By the time he was 5 he had built an aqueduct and accompanying pipe network to provide permanent fresh water to his entire country. By the time he was 6, he had invented the pipe valve integrator.
By the time he was 7, he had invented the dual pipe valve integrator. By the time he was 8, he had invented the dual double pipe valve integrator. By the time he was 9, he had invented the dual triple pipe valve integrator. From then on, bored with inventing pipe valve integrators, he focused exclusively on making water fountains, and the rest is history.

Derek the Eel

Adopted pet eel of Ms. Greenacre.
Found abandoned in a swamp in the middle of Moremi Forest.

Derek is very tame and passive, unless ordered by Ms. Greenacre to attack. Then he is a force to be reckoned with. His two main attack moves are:

[1] The Airborne Flailing Face of Death: This involves being thrown by Ms. Greenacre, usually from high up on her zip-line. As he approaches his prey, he grins the most evil, terrifying and completely intimidating grin.

[2] The Double-Sheep-Shank-Rope-Tie: This involves lightning-speed coiling around the victim’s lower legs, rendering them totally immobile. Please note, it is not actually painful or harmful to the victim in any way. It just traps them till a police triplocopter comes for them.

Li’l Jimmy Jimmy-Sinn

Not much is actually known about Li’L Jimmy Jimmy-Sin, apart from the fact that he has lived his whole life in a castle up on Misty Cliffs.
At school he loved science and inventing things.
Despite being very small, he often got into trouble for bullying other kids, or stealing their school lunches.