Tie-D-Yupper

Highly useful and effective device that tidies everything up. Range is 12 metres. Can only be used once per 24 hours. If used twice, the second time it actually doubles the mess.

The Tie-D-Yupper is developed and manufactured by Rajak industries. The joint-CEOs of the company, Betty & Herbert Rajak, actually developed the device in an attempt to solve their childrens’ seemingly incurable messiness issues. They soon learnt that while the device does provide a short-term solution, it doesn’t solve the underlying problem.

The Tie-D-Yupper can only be used once per 24 hours. If used twice, the second time it actually doubles the mess, and the then the third time it triples the mess. The fourth and fifth time nothing happens, but the sixth time it multiplies the mess by 20. So be very careful if you get given one. Very careful. Certainly don’t click away. The whole point of the zero-impact clicks 4 and 5 is to trick you into clicking it a 6th time.

There were teething problems with early versions of the device.

The first one tested did tidy things up, but arranged them in neat lines. Useful, but weird.

The second device tested also succeeded in tidying things up, but arranged them in piles. Sometimes very tall piles, which usually then fell over. Not so useful.

The third device tested exploded. Lucky no-one was hurt.

The fourth device tested also succeeded in tidying things up, but by stowing them all in the closest refrigerator. Not useful at all. Unless you need to tidy up a whole lot of food that needs to go in the fridge. Rajak industries did go on to market a device specifically for groceries.

The fifth device tested also succeeded in tidying things up, but by arranging them in color-matched zones. Weird and not so useful.

The sixth device tested, worked! Hetty and Berbert Rajak were so happy with it that they went out for dinner to celebrate. When they got home, they were unfazed by the huge mess their kids had made. The kids were so disappointed not to get a reaction out of their parents that they’ve been tidy ever since. The joy of mess-making simply evaporated in an instant.